He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
