I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
