South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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