I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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