I cockslap morals
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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