oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
