I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
