i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
