You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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