no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
