Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
