My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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