When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
