He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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