i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
