she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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