dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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