hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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