just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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