nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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