jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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