Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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