I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I am morally bankrupt
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
