I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
God, I missed his penis.
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