told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
