somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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