He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
