You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
