I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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