i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
