It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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