Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
