I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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