UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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