Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
