did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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