Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
