this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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