I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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