I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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