Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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