im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
