I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
