she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
