she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
