Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
