Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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