Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
