Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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