i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
