Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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