That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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