I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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