I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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